Karma's a Bitch* #4

Shamma’s P.O.V

I got into my car and told the driver to just drive with no destination in mind. I sighed, my gaze darting over to look at him through the window as I drove away. I reached into my Hermes bag to pull out my wallet. I opened the clasp with a flick of my finger and I’m met with a picture, I looked down at it, it was a picture of him and I. We were so happy and care-free back then, we were ‘just friends’, nothing more, nothing less .. or that’s what he thought at least.
That’s the problem... things aren’t the same anymore, things have changed.

I shook my head, my bangs falling over my eyes. I sat up straight and pushed my hair away as realization finally hit me, he doesn’t care ...
I made my decision at that moment. I decided that I was worth more than this.

I sighed as I remembered the way things were running my fingers over the photo’s edge. A few minutes later, I reluctantly returned the photo back into my wallet. Gone were those days ...

I snapped back into reality! Why the hell do I care? Why am I making a big deal out of nothing? I have to face the fact that he obviously doesn’t care, I have to get used to it. Most importantly, I’ve got to forget he ever told me anything, just erase every single word he told me from my mind, forget that he told me he loved me ..
I scoffed, what kind of fucked up love is this?! Today, he proved something to me, that he doesn’t know what love actually is.

I decided to drive down to the beach instead of home since I needed time to think things through, and the beach house was the perfect place. No one was there. I sat all alone on that beach, our beach, and looked out across the darkened, rippling water. The sun was just beginning to set, the blazing yellow fading into a cool, gentle orange.

I sat on that one smooth rock near the water, with my knees pulled against my chest, listening to the unending rhythm of the waves upon the shore. I thought of all the times I’d sat in this very same spot, away from the rest of the world. This place is my own personal heaven; no matter what happens in my life, I could always come here to be comforted.

It’s getting kinda late so I guess I should be heading back home right about now. As I was getting up, I noticed a figure standing on the beach. Who is this mysterious figure? I walked up and noticed that it was Khalifa. Why is he here? What does he want? All those questions were running through my head.

“Shamma..”

I closed my eyes for a second and stared out emptily onto the expanse of ocean that laid out before me.

“I’m sorry, I really am, I promised you I would never let anyone hurt you, and I’m the one who just hurt you.”

He stood there looking at me, I didn’t look back at him. He listened to me breathe for a second and continued to talk.“Can you please just look at me? Just for a second?”

I took a deep breath and turned my head to look at him.

“I just wana know one thing, why are you feeling down? I told u I loved you years ago, but did you say it back? No .. you didn’t, you said you didn’t feel anything for me. Am I right or what?! Isn’t that what you told me?”

I finally said something, the only thing I thought I could say and not reveal anything.
“You THINK you love me, but you don’t. ‘I love you’ is not like ‘good morning’, you know? To say it, you got to mean it. Don't you say you love me, don't say you need me, don't say it. Don't say it cuz I know deep inside you don't mean it, don’t say it cuz you don't know the meaning of this word, so stop saying it cuz I KNOW you don't love me, and now you’ll know that ‘I’ don’t love you!”

That instant EVERYTHING changed ..

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Khalifa’s P.O.V

An hour later, I just drove aimlessly and searched frantically for her. I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find her. Not willing to give up now that I’d found the courage to talk to her, I eventually tracked her down. I found her, at our place, lost in her thoughts.

She got up since she was just about to leave and started walking towards me because she couldn’t quite recognize who I was. As she came closer, she realized that it was me.

“Shamma”, I whispered into the night as her name rolled off my tongue.

She turned her back towards me and continued to stare out into the ocean. I apologized for hurting her, but she just wouldn’t look at me.

“Can you please just look at me for a second?”

I stood frozen as she turned to look at me with her startling, brown eyes. A warm feeling washed over my body.

I asked her why she felt that way when she saw me with those other girls. Why did she look so sad? She clearly stated that she doesn’t love me more than a ‘friend’. Am I missing something over here? Does she see me as something more than just a friend?

She finally said something, something I’d never thought she’d say to me. She told me that I clearly don’t love her, that I duno what love is, that I duno the meaning of the word ‘love’, and that SHE doesn’t love me.

Maybe she has point, maybe I truly don’t love her YET, maybe my feelings towards Shamma are more than what you’d feel towards a friend but not close to love yet. Obviously I have strong feelings for her, but after that talk she gave me, I have found out that I dont’t just have a crush on her, nor do I really love her. I think I just really really like her. All I know is that I want to be with her, more than just friends, more than what we used to be.
If only she feels the same way towards me, if only ..