Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Karma's a Bitch* #26

Saif’s P.O.V

I woke up late to the sound of Salama’s voice calling me. I was totally exhausted. The whole day with Shamma had kept eating at me, making sleep impossible to find. I had tossed and turned all night, finally giving up and watching some lame old late movie on t.v. until I dozed off near dawn.

I knew I'd pretty much acted like an ass right from the start. tI'd known it while I was doing it. But at the time I'd reasoned that she didn't deserve any special treatment from me. I thought she’d be okay with me kissing her. After all, it was all for attention, right?

I was pretty much lying to myself, though. Mostly I just really wanted to kiss her. Ever since my lips made contact with her skin I'd been completely distracted, wanting a lot more. All that stuff about putting on a show for everyone was me just rationalizing what I really wanted to do, which was for her to be mine.

And then she got pissed, and I got defensive and sarcastic. Then she told me about how she wasn't one of those girls and her reasons for being there were all noble and shit. Every word of it was true, I could tell. That was when I started to feel just a little bit bad about what I'd done, which was entirely new territory for me.

I sat up all night wrestling with this irritating, unfamiliar feeling of guilt, this feeling I couldn't escape that I'd done something wrong, which I didn't like.

The tricky part, though, was that I knew she wanted me too. I didn't imagine what happened. Sure I started it, but she was giving as good as she got. It wasn't like I forced myself on her and assaulted her. Okay, maybe I forced myself on her a little…but she liked it. But I still felt bad about it, which was weird. I guess it was because she was determined to ignore whatever had flared up between us and I pushed her anyway. I could feel something between us spark, but it certainly wasn't love, not on her side, at least. Then I gave her a hard time for it, and I sort of insulted her.

And back to what had flared up between us…What. The. Fuck. Was. That? I had more than my share of experience with girls. In fact, that was a laughable understatement. But I had no frame of reference for what happened last night. That electricity every time I touched her, the way my mind went completely blank when I kissed her and some sort of crazy instinct took over and swamped my senses, it was overwhelming. That kiss shook me to the core…and it was just a kiss. The only parts of her my hands touched was her shoulders and her hair, but that currently ranked as one of the hottest experiences of my life. How fucked up was that? Even now, fifteen hours later, I could still taste her on my tongue, feel her under my hands, feel her hands gripping my hair...

I wondered if it felt that intense for her, too and remembering her responses, the way she hung on to me, I thought that maybe it had. This situation we're in is complicated, and that would just make it infinitely more so. Unlike me, she was able to act based on common sense, to do what was right and not be a slave to her urges. And now I felt like a total asshole, since she was being mature and making responsible choices and I was… not.

Man, I really hated feeling so bad about myself.

I heard Salama calling my name again and I groaned and buried my face in the pillow, trying to avoid her for another few minutes. Why was she even here? She had her own place, but she was almost never there, preferring to torture me instead. Truthfully though, I was sort of glad for her constant presence in my life. It was one of the only things in my life that still felt healthy and good.

"Saif?" She was in my room now.

I pulled my head free of the covers and managed to open one eye. Just a crack. "Shu tbain Salooom?"

"What happened yesterday?"

"Don't ask."

"Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh is right."

"Shu msawy?"

I picked my head up off the pillow and looked at her with both eyes. "Why is it you automatically assume it was me who fucked up?"

She cocked her head to the side and smiled at me. "Saif… come on."

I groaned and flopped back down. "Alright. I fucked up."

"Tell me."

"Salama, this is sort of private."

"Whatever you did, you might as well spit it out."

I flopped over on my back and sighed, staring at the ceiling.
I sort of broke my word to Shamma. I told her that no one should know about this deal between us, but my sister knew about it. I wasn’t able to keep it away from her, so I thought it’d be okay to tell her about what had happened yesterday.

"I sort of…3agait 3mre 3alaiha…twice. And then when she got mad and called me on it I got… mean. And I insulted her. I might have implied that she was a Khalifa-chasing whore."

Salama winced. She lowered herself to sit on the bed next to me and reached out to stroke my hand absently.

"Saif," she said softly, "you know that you're broken, right?"

Well, fuck. Ouch. As if I didn't feel crappy enough. When your adored baby sister, who has looked at you her whole life with nothing but admiration, looks at you with that pitying expression on her face and tells you that you're broken, then you know you've hit rock bottom.

I dragged my hands through my hair roughly and scrubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"But Saif," she amended quickly, "You weren't always broken! I know the good is still there in you! And we can fix you! You can fix you. You just have to try. This situation you're in with Shamma, maybe it is exactly what you need. So reform yourself already! Don't just act like you have! Do it!"

I sighed deeply. She was right. I knew she was right. But I felt so lost. And helpless. And overwhelmed.

"Salama," I said softly, "I don't even know what to do anymore. Ever since mum passed away, I’ve been a total mess. Dad isn’t around anymore and I just have to take care of you guys. I need to. And this thing with Chloe is just so messed up. I don’t even love her bas it’s like I need her for some weird reason. She’s the only one who’s able to hook me up with drug dealers. And sometimes, I think I need that! It’s the only thing that can offer me an escape from reality. It just feels like this heavy, invisible weight is lifted off my shoulders for the time being. Bas at the same time, I want to be with Shamma too. You don’t get it do you?"


I paused for a minute before I cracked up out of the blue. "Shiiit! hahahaha I totally sound like a sissy! Yl3an this shitty, crappy, messed up life of mine.”

She chuckled lightly then her facial expression turned into a serious one. "You used to be that person, used to be. You’re not anymore, okay? If you go back to all that shit, ya wailek! I’m serious Saif, we’re done with that. Stop being pathetic and chasing Chloe. You can't fix everything all at once, so lat7awel. Pick one thing and focus on that. Fix things with Shamma. Do that first."

"Any ideas on how I do that?"

"I'll get to know her, go out with her, maybe go shopping together? Come with me. Talk to her. Apologize and start over."

"You're going shopping with her?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," Salama said, a tad defensively. "I think I’ll like her. A lot. From what I’ve heard about her, she’s a real sweetheart."

"She's fallen into the clutches of the crazed fashion-obsessed psycho! She's doomed!" I joked as I reached out and ruffled her hair.

Salama screeched and slapped my hands away and I laughed, the heavy mood broken for the moment. I felt better that at least I had a plan. Now I just needed to figure out what the hell I was going to say.

131 comments:

Madliar said...

1ssstttt

SuziQ said...

Thyr both cute salama n saif <3 wait a second he's involved wth drugs! O.o

Anonymous said...

fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirst great poooooooooooooooooooost ya7lelha salmaaa 5oosh bint :P o saaif abaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay that why he want chloe back 8abiiiii 3shan drugs :0 laaaish ya saif :( yalaaa post soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

um flfola

Anonymous said...

weeeey im not fiiirst looooooool bil 8la6 kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak

um flfola

glittery-butterfliez said...

Heeyyyyy!! I wanted to be first! :/

will go read now ;p

glittery-butterfliez said...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

saaiff Luvs her!

I KNEW IT!

I KNEWWW ITTTTTT!!


*Dancing my happy Dance*

AGAIN..I KNEW IT!

mwa7a7a7a7a7a7a7aaa

:p

Anonymous said...

WAAAY SAAIF 7ABEEEEBI KEL HATHA FEEK WANA MADRI:O<3
GREEAT POST

Saroona:)

♏.♏.Ð said...

plzz post sooooooooon i luvv it!!!!!!

love drunk said...

luvvv it

nada said...

shoo ha saif .. he smokes and he is a DRUG DEALER...

Looyah said...

omg

I didnt expect him to take drugs
ya3ni bad w gelna ok
bas drugs??
how will SHAMMA's reaction be wen she gets to know the truth???

Sara said...

LOVED IT !!

Anonymous said...

<3'ed the post

Anonymous said...

awww 3ajeeb el post 7adhom cute !!
w shakla its gonna be fun from now on ;p
w wanasa he doesnt love chloe
ya36eech el3afya ;*

nada said...

ya7lailha his sis salama ..


BTW 3YBATNI el asami that u used in ur story <3

Anonymous said...

AMAIIZING

nada said...

P

LL

EEE

AAAA

SSSSS

EEEEE



PPPP

OOO

SS

T

Anonymous said...

pooooooooooost plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :P

um flfola

bluelilies said...

a55 ya saif a5! 7abebe;* 3awar galbi;(
next post please!! oo nabeee action;)

nada said...

pleaasase POST

Anonymous said...

GREAT ONE!
loved the truth about saif

i wonder how things will turn out...

keep posting love

Dazzling~Life

nada said...

PLEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeAaase POST

Looyah said...

plz post
we miss u man!

Anonymous said...

wainich wemiss you :(
um flfola

nada said...

:( .. when r u gonna post .. "sad puppy face"

nada said...

we miss u

Anonymous said...

i'm with them, u've been missed </3

nada said...

YALLLLLAAAA POOOOOOOOOOOOST

kotii said...

wayedd 7loooooo il post

Looyah said...

where are you man???
we miss youuuuuuuuuuuuu like hell!

nada said...

PWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE post

nada said...

Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiting 4 POST


27 <3

Anonymous said...

WE MISSED YOU...<3
waiting for post 27

Saroona:)

Anonymous said...

when will you post ?

Looyah said...

WHERE ARE YOU?

R U OKAII?

nada said...

.... wat happened :( .. why aren't u posting ?.

Dazzling~Life* said...

waaainich ?!!!!!!?;(

nada said...

traaa benez3aaal :(

Looyah said...

are you okaii??

at least post a comment!!
anything!!

yalseen 3ala a39abna ya a5eee!!

Anonymous said...

waaainich ?? we miss yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou is everything ok tara ga3a n7atech ??

um flfola

Anonymous said...

helloooo we R UU ?

Anonymous said...

WHERE r U ?

Anonymous said...

posttt pllzzzzzzz i h8 waytng :(

love drunk said...

whats wrong?
I MISS U

Anonymous said...

wat happened ?? i hope ur fine ... 7bebti wain re7ti .. we miisss .. la t5aleeena 3ala a39aaaabnaaa .. we misss ur sory too

Anonymous said...

UFFFFFFF :(
plzzz post ASAP !!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

hey!! long time no post!!
hope u're fine

asoom;* said...

enti waaaaaain :O

postyyyy
plz plz :(

nada said...

dont post bas 6amneena ENTI b5AIR ?!

Anonymous said...

waainich ??? are you ok ;0?

Um Flfola;**

Anonymous said...

whats wrong?
hope everything is fine

Anonymous said...

I am so addicted to this story , please post something I need more , I couldn't stop reading until I finished everything you posted . I wanna know so badly what's gonna happen with Saif and Shamma " cuteness " , btw why is Saif blond you didn't mention that a7s ina he has an American parent or something , and his new sister is just so awesome , w Khaleefa ugh I hate this guy I used to feel sorry for him fel bdaya bas now he's officially a jerk >_< , w Meero is just so great I adore her with her tall figure lol she should have a BF
anyway I hope that everything is okay since you didn't post something mn zman
-H :*

Anonymous said...

hellooo WAINECH .. laykooon u died and now no one can tell us u died

Anonymous said...

hello again!
what's wrong?!!
are you ok?
reply at least

Anonymous said...

we miss youu khara3teeeena 3laaich r u ok?...

Anonymous said...

7beebtii wainich are u ok tara n7ateech

um flfola

Anonymous said...

mar7eba .. bas b'3ait a6aman .. enti WAIN :S

'3arshooba

nada said...

we miss u and ur stoory .. 9edg wallah men zemman ma sema3na 7essech :( :S

nada said...

.... hope ur fine

Anonymous said...

heeellloo anyone there !!??

bonitoo sexyah

Anonymous said...

WE MISS YOU;*



Saroona:)

Anonymous said...

wainech ? :S

Anonymous said...

WAINECH ??? :S

Anonymous said...

did u like die?
at least tell us wat happened

Anonymous said...

7beebty wainich 3al a8al 6amneenaa ?

um flfola

N said...

POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

iran + 3yam + Made in China + bitch ALL OF that give us low class = Moooliii Cheeeeekooo



Sumy

Anonymous said...

waaaainneeeeeeech ?????????

Anonymous said...

??????????? helllooooooo anyone theeeeeeeeeeree ??????

Anonymous said...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainech ???


pleeeeeeeese answr us

Anonymous said...

WAAAAAAINECH ??

Anonymous said...

hey pplleease i beg u atleast just tell us r u okay ??

Anonymous said...

we miss u

Anonymous said...

please 3a6eeena 5ebar 3anech

Anonymous said...

SERIOUSLY where r u ? WALLAH BAS NAB'3i ne6amman 3eleech ..

Anonymous said...

pleease bas 3a6eenah 5ebar 3anch ? .. ana ma baf8ed el AMAAL :P

Anonymous said...

Һappy Ϧirthday ᗩмэяίҪα and Һappy Ϧirthday ʈo мe


Today is the 4th of July the independence day of America and My BIRTHDAY .. <3 (^)



-Nada

Anonymous said...

where r u im particularly drooling over this story how could u ditch us :( ?

Anonymous said...

pleease 3e6eenah 5ebar 3al 28al ><


-NADA

Anonymous said...

at least 6amnina please

Anonymous said...

Are u ok? I hope u dident die or somethin' I really want the next post, pleaseeeeeee...

H a N o Da~ said...

ymkn akthrrr storyyyyy etwalaaah-t 3laaaiihaaa T___T
when is the next post ?? =(
7raaaaam kamaaalna 4 months n there is no SAIF =O

hope that u'll post soon xD

love drunk said...

i miss your story T_T
plzzz come back soon
hope everything is okay

Anonymous said...

I'm loving Saif <3
hope you didn't forget about the blog :P
PLEASE POST ASAP!
-Muni

Anonymous said...

HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO
ANYONE THERE?
WE MISS'CH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYD W HOPE Y3NI YOU COME BACK SOON AND HOPE UR STILL ALIVE.
ALLAH Y6AWL B3MRCH ;P
=D WE'RE WAITING
YALLA 3AAAAAAAAD WALLA N7AN 3ALA A39AABNA
W CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN AZ3AL -,-"
AKRAHCH YAL ZAGA!
GA9AAAAiiiTII 3ALAIANA
MALAT 3ALAICH W 3ALA ELBLOG MAAALCH ELSA5EEEEEEEEEF 6ZZ WALLA ANA BAKTB W MA BANSA 3AN MY LOYAL READERS, A7SCH MAT7SEEN FEEEENA
DUDE WE LOVE YOU'HHH! + WE MISSSSS YOU
7AYATY SORRY ZA3ALTCH BSS SERIOUSLY 5ALAITEENA BROO7NA! 5ALAITI GALBI FL SHAAR3 W DSTiiiiiiiiiii 3ALAAAAiiH ! YALLA POST
YALLA LAA! POST ACHOOOFFFFFF
6FSEH!

r'3d said...

http://rafkary.blogspot.com/

Dreamer;* said...

Hey! Just discovered your blog and let me tell you, I'm officially addicted to your story. And you're a magnificant writer mashallah. Keep doing that=D! Andd I'm looking forward to your next post enshallah ma et6awleen 3alaina 3ad :P

Anonymous said...

I love this story <3
you haven't posted since march, so that's makes it 6 moths!!
Are you okay ??
I hope you come back to posting...

Just My Luck said...

Heyy!! Plzz come back!
Check my blog:
http://just-m-luck.blogspot.com/

3al2yaa said...

Please post soon!

Anonymous said...

R u okay atleast just a comment !!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey! Just discovered your blog and let me tell you, I'm officially addicted to your story. And you're a magnificant writer mashallah. Keep doing that=D! Andd I'm looking forward to your next post enshallah ma et6awleen 3alaina 3ad :P

Anonymous said...

Hun when r u going to post?

I want to know more!

Please post ASAP!!

-sara

Anonymous said...

Wainich we miss you;(

Anonymous said...

its been two years!!!! are you okay??

-R

Anonymous said...

It's been two years...true that. We've been waiting for two years and you still haven't replied to our comments? Oh how much I miss those days when bloggers were very active. I miss S, the boy with the dirty blonde hair and sexy smile. I really hope someday you at least reply to one comment just to make us feel relieved.
Anyhow,
We'll always be waiting over here, right here, on this blog.
Love,
J

love stories said...

Check my story please and tell me your opinion :*

Anonymous said...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE POST!!!!!!!!!!!!! YMKIN A9EEEE777 IF YOU DONNTT!!!! YOUUU MUSSSTTTTTTT!!! :"""((( LOVIINGGG YOURRR BLOGG SOO MUCCHHHH!!

Anonymous said...

Please please please please posttttttt :( <3

Anonymous said...

WTF 3 YEARS 3 YEARS THATS A LONG TIME MISSY NOW POOOOST I'M IN NEED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT AND HOW THIS ENDS SO PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE PLEASE FINISH THE STORY SOOOON
your silent and mad reader
SBK

Anonymous said...

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU I FUCKIN MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT 27 PLEASE AND ONE MORE THING SAIF.IS.MINE!!!!!!



-DMF

Anonymous said...

Greetings from Ohio! I'm bored at work so I decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I love the information you present here and can't wait to take a
look when I get home. I'm shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I'm not
even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, fantastic site!
Here is my blog - Canada Goose Jacket Sale

Anonymous said...

It's 2013 and I'm still waiting for you to post:(

Anonymous said...

Tra I'm still waiting:( yalla post you have an amazing story kmlyy!!

Anonymous said...

You are able to constantly do one thing using
your human body.
Here is my website adjustable dumbbell set

Anonymous said...

Please posttttttt :( im deeply in love with ur blog

Anonymous said...

Make the next post FULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL of action please make them hook up again ;(

N said...

Forever waiting for the next post :(<3

Anonymous said...

Howdy! I realize this is kind of off-topic however I had to ask.
Does building a well-established blog such as yours require a large amount of work?
I'm completely new to blogging but I do write in my diary on a daily basis. I'd like to start a blog so I can share my experience and thoughts online.
Please let me know if you have any kind of ideas or tips for new aspiring bloggers.
Appreciate it!

My website; michael kors mens watches

Anonymous said...

An impressive share! I've just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been doing a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me breakfast because I stumbled upon it for him... lol. So allow me to reword this.... Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this topic here on your site.

Here is my website ... 激安オークリー

Anonymous said...

I read this paragraph completely concerning the comparison of latest and preceding technologies, it's remarkable article.

Take a look at my site www.pradasale-shop.com

Anonymous said...

Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?
I'm kinda paranoid about losing everything I've worked
hard on. Any recommendations?

Here is my website; www.raybansale-shop.com

Anonymous said...

Hey there would you mind letting me know which webhost you're working with? I've loaded your blog in 3 completely
different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster
then most. Can you recommend a good hosting provider at a fair price?
Thanks, I appreciate it!

Also visit my web blog; グッチ

Anonymous said...

Your style is so unique compared to other folks I have read
stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity,
Guess I'll just bookmark this blog.

Here is my site :: www.miumiuoutletshop2013.com

Anonymous said...

Woah! I'm really loving the template/theme of this site. It's simple, yet
effective. A lot of times it's hard to get that "perfect balance" between superb usability and appearance. I must say you have done a superb job with this. Additionally, the blog loads super quick for me on Firefox. Exceptional Blog!

Also visit my homepage - レイバンサングラス

Anonymous said...

Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts.

In any case I'll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!

my web page www.christianlouboutinoutletshopx.com

Anonymous said...

When I initially commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added"
checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three
emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service?

Thanks a lot!

My blog post ... レイバンサングラス

Anonymous said...

Right away I am going away to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming over again to read further news.



Feel free to surf to my weblog - 2013raybanfreeshipping.com

Anonymous said...

you are in point of fact a good webmaster. The site
loading speed is amazing. It seems that you're doing any unique trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterpiece. you have done a wonderful process in this subject!

Here is my website :: registry cleaners

Anonymous said...

、することができます人取得、最高級レース ナイロンスニーカーで、業界現在ですか?サングラス2
つの着ている機能: に目をセキュリティをスタイル。|変換彼女習慣にファッションに中小企業とブログ。。有するはメンター財布です行くする人の最高スタイル財布でと財布は人々することができます] を選択しますを。ごとに 1 つ暦年、数千人と数千人EBay の消費者取得とを促進するため何か錆びたランプの笠に $ から200、000 フェラーリ。

Feel free to surf to my web site; okurishoten.com

Anonymous said...

Hi, I do think this is an excellent site. I stumbledupon it ;) I'm going to come back yet again since i have book marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.

Here is my homepage :: Christian Louboutin Pumps

Anonymous said...

I was curious if you ever thought of changing the structure of
your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people
could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot
of text for only having one or 2 images. Maybe you could space it out
better?

My web page ... ルブタン

Anonymous said...

Howdy this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG
editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
I'm starting a blog soon but have no coding expertise so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

Here is my website; http://www.vaperchatter.com/profile/6213/KieranUUR

Anonymous said...

I think the admin of this website is truly working hard in favor of his site, because here every
material is quality based information.

my blog: nike air max on sale

Anonymous said...

Thank you for every other great article. The
place else may just anybody get that type of
information in such a perfect method of writing?
I have a presentation next week, and I'm on the search for such information.

My site cheap nike air max shoes

Anonymous said...

Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice even as you amend your site, how
can i subscribe for a weblog website? The account aided me a acceptable
deal. I have been tiny bit familiar of this your broadcast provided brilliant clear concept

my blog post ssmimi.info

Anonymous said...

I am sure this post has touched all the internet visitors, its really really fastidious piece of writing on building up new webpage.


Review my homepage - oakley sunglasses

Anonymous said...

Hi! I could have sworn I've visited this site before but after browsing through some of the articles I realized it's
new to me. Nonetheless, I'm definitely delighted I stumbled upon it and I'll be bookmarking it
and checking back often!

My web-site; www.rolexaol.com

Anonymous said...

Just desire to say your article is as astounding. The clearness in your post is simply spectacular and i can
assume you are an expert on this subject.

Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post.
Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying
work.

Feel free to surf to my web blog: replica watches (maryannes.centerblog.net)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way, how can we communicate?


Also visit my blog post: Rolex watches

futaim said...

can u post already im really curious

Post a Comment